What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
