i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
