why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
