I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
