i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
