peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
