Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
