why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
