I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
