Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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