Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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