I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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