just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
