Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
