My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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