tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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