If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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