This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
