i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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