all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
