Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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