i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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