New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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