listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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