i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
