And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
