thus making me awesome and them whores
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
