Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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