Can Purell be used as lube?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
