So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
