I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
