I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
