Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
