I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
