i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think people are normalizing furries
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
