There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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