we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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