I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
