paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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