3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need help removing her.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
