Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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