don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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