his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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