forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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