sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
