I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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