I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm like, not good at living.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
