What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
