I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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