As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
