My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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