we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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