I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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