i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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