She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
