and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
