What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
