Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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