she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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