Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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