I can text with my tongue
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
