so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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