We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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