I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
