I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
