I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
