i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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